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penroyalt

Tiny shots of wisdom

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Apr. 7th, 2008 | 12:10 pm

Last night, I was visiting a friend on the 2nd anniversary of her Dad's death.  She was commenting that the grief was hitting her harder this year than last year.  I replied that grief comes when expectations are over. 

In the sense that, you're suppose to grieve through the wake and the funeral.  And then through the year, and the first anniversary is supposed to be hard.  But by the time the 2nd anniversary comes around, folks have forgotten, and backed off.  I find that it's at this point, when others are not looking at me to grieve that I finally grieve.

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Comments {2}

kristibelle88

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from: kristibelle88
date: Apr. 8th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
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That's so true. It isn't until someone loses someone who is close that they realize grief never really ends. You just learn to live with it and then still it hits you out of the blue sometimes. For me, it's during March Madness and the World Series, as well as major elections--seeing as how the finals are tonight for NCAA championship, a presidential election year, and the 5 year anniversary of my dad's passing, I'm dealing with a bittersweet kind of grief. It's good your friend has compassionate people like you to understand all this. For me, after five years I'm able to be sad, but lovingly thankful for my dad being my dad--a radical liberal who liked a damn good game :)

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iambeachcomber

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from: iambeachcomber
date: Apr. 22nd, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
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So true about how grief is not something that goes away in the cut-and-dried sense of it. My friend's mom died when she was 20 and it's been about 15 years now. Every year she grieves the loss. Hell, every day in one way or another she grieves the loss. She maintains that the hardest part of dealing with her mom's death is not her own grief but the lack of willingness others have for letting her continue to grieve. People really do expect you to "move on" and never look back. She's never understood that requirement.

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